Things That Made Me Happy Today: September 2011

I had a dream about trying to track down matt damon so I could tell him I named ratt damon after him. i never tracked him down though. but it's just one of those days that i would so much rather be in dream world trying to track down matt damon.

After you left, I had a dream that I had a baby Scruffy, a baby kitten, a baby squirrel and a baby duck. It was delightful.

I had a dream an airplane flew into your house and you were like, well, we think Alex might be dead but look at these cool pictures I got of the crater!!

I had the weirdest dream. It was like Kermit the frog was god. And he was going to "free humanity" from it's bonds. So the scene was the golden gate bridge. Except it was constructed out of seat belts. And Kermit unbuckled one of the seatbelts thereby freeing humanity from whatever. But then what happened was one of the people on the bridge turned giant, ginormous, bigger than king kong or Godzilla. And she fell off the bridge or sort of toppled it into the water which was now nothing more than a puddle at her feet, she kept wrecking more and more of the bridge trying to stand up and the whole time screaming "why?! Kermit why?!!". And then my alarm went off. Please excuse typos

So there are still people in my bedroom but I got so tired I went in there and hid under the covers with my fingers in my ears and then I had dreams about bombs going off, another curious dream about being a marvelous figure skater, and lastly, one about Mikey still being alive and having to put him down again.

I had a dream I had an xbox controller between my legs, and that you were really excited.

This morning I had a dream that my alarm clock was a curry. It started going off and I kept telling Stewart, "stop the curry. Stop the curry!" Then I was almost late for work because it turns out it was my alarm clock and NOT a curry.

He has the most annoying, obnoxious laugh. I had a dream about kicking him. In the face. And then his face collapsed on itself and he couldn't laugh any more.

But I will have you know that in my dream I e-mailed you back, except in my dream I was responding to an e-mail where you had better news and also to inform you of this:
"So I am writing from five miles out of town, where I have just been put in my place by a man so old it looks like his face has collapsed in on itself for eating a corn dog on the side of the road,"
Seriously, what? Then I had a dream that I knew a time-traveler who could prevent the end of the world via nuclear holocaust, and I best tried to convince him to do so by sleeping with him. Also I had a rat for a pet who could climb walls and was named Annie.

That's funny, because I just woke up from a dream where I found all of these neglected little dogs and was going to give them a home. Also in my dream there were monsters that looked like jellyfish but could follow you everywhere and then they would eat your face. But that's not the point. You were in my dream, too. It was snowing and icing and for some reason we had to climb this huge hill full of puddles, and that's where we found the little dogs. This was after I went to work at the clinic and my boss gave me an abortion. On the reception desk. In front of clients. Rude clients. Like, basically it involved sticking a hose up my bits and sucking everything out. Ummm.

I had a dream about you. I dreamt we were at a cookie buffet.

Well, the first thing to happen in my dream is Stewart and I went to the Grammy's and the Backstreet Boys performed, only they were all playing saxophones and they called them "pipes." But that's besides the point, the point is that in my dream you responded by telling me that Kevin was 12 years old and your new boyfriend. In my dream I was at a loss for words. Then you said, "But he has the mind of a 30 year old!"

I had a dream I was selling door-to-door. I don't remember what it was called, but it was, "an innovative product to protect the hapless and stupid from sophistry using a unique system of levers and pulleys."

I was having this dream about how my boss called me and told me I didn't have to go to work and I confused it with reality. Also in my dream there were Nilla wafers. Good dream.

I had this dream the other night, I don't remember it at all, except for that when my alarm clock woke me up I was saying to another person: "Well, are there cheetos? Then it's a PARTY!"